Sunday, November 27, 2005

I am the Trivia Queen!

...I mean King. Definitely King.

Yep trivia night on Saturday. Kicked arse. Won $50 worth of confectionary.

The night had been set up as a bit of a fundraiser for YSA. It was about 5 tables worth of people present and was well worth it for $5...if you won. The table I was on consisted of 9 people who had all graduated/were graduating from either Maths/Physics courses or Biological Sciences courses. The other 4 tables had 4-6 15-17 year olds. Now you may be thinking that this was a little unfair but we were only ahead by four points after 10 rounds of 10 questions each so they did pretty well. Still $50 worth of discount confectionary is a hell of a lot of confectionary even between 9 people. I got a hell of a lot of lollypops if anyone can be bothered to come round and collect one.

In other news I lost my wallet only to have it returned, intact, a half hour later and my room flooded in the rain we had today...

Friday, November 25, 2005

Most Ridiculous Band Ever...

Ok now here's something everyone can get involved in

Here's my pick for the most ridiculous band ever...

Kenny G - check it out he's got a greatest hits of his 3 previous christmas albumns!
Snoop Dogg
Nick Lachey
Russell Crowe
Dani from Cradle of Filth
Lars Ulrich



Yeah I put Tom Araya in on drums cause...I...was...waiting to see if y'all were awake



yeah thats it...awake...

anyways the post has been modified to say Dave Lombardo like I originally meant...

(Altho I would like to see Tom playing the drums...with his hands...)

p.s. for those of you who don't know, Tom Araya is a bass player

Rock Orchestra et Supervolkenbanden

Ok so's I get this out of the way I'm gonna do these together that way we can move on to the more important inanities (is that even a word?) of my life...

Firstly Super Happy Rock Orchestra...

1st Guitars
Jimmy Page
Brian May
Eric Clapton
Tom Morello
Dave Gilmour

2nd Guitars
James Hetfield
John Frusciante
Billie Joe
Chad Taylor
Adam Jones

1st Basses
Tim Commerford
Robert Trujillo
John Paul Jones
Les Claypool

Danny Carey
Mitch Mitchell
Dave Lombardo
Jason Finn

I am a sick, sick man...

Damn its great...

Ok now we have a band capable of starting a demolition company. The first person to tell me what bands all the members of my orchestra belong to gets...something...

I'll think of something...

Now keep in mind I'm still missing a few people (I had 8 people in the 1st guitars section until I realised how sick that was) and also I haven't heard enough music to nearly cover all the people that probably should be in here but these are all people whose playing gets me going.


The Rules are...

1 Guitar
At least 3 stringed instruments
2 of which must be strummable
Percussion of some description
A woodwind or brass instrument
NO distortion

My line up consists of...

Kyle Gass
Willie Nelson - 200 albumns! Holy Jesus...'nuff said...
Steve Twigger
Samantha Hunt
Patrick Murphy
Peter Purvis
Stephen Wehmeyer
Kunda Drame

Now if you can tell me what instruments all of these people play...and lets face it I didn't try too hard...then you are smart and stuff. The first 2 should be real easy after that it gets a bit trickier. I'll tell you this tho the first 2 are the only guitarists. There's a mandolin, a piper, a Bodhran and some spoons. The last one might be a bit trickier...

Anyways I'm spent, so good luck and I encourage submissions of your own orchestras and Supervolkenbandengruppen (there are currently several million germans spinning in their graves at my bastardization of their language)

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Please bear with me I'm in a rambling mood tonight...

First up after reading my previous post I just have one question...

Did I mention Hendrix enough?



Well then...

Allow me to continue...

Not only did he play those instruments I already mentioned but he also played the Bass. Y'kow that cool walking bass-line in 'Hey Joe'? (of course you do) He wrote that. And did you also know that he played the Guitar.

No way!!!

I know, it blew me away the first time I heard that too...

Anyways Hendrix wasn't all He's cracked up to be...his flute playing was shithouse.

But I digress...

Upon reviewing my lineup some of you may have noticed that I have gone for a very technical group. This may have led you to ask several questions. Can they play together? Can they write a song together? Can they write a song anyone would actually listen to? Well I don't know but if I knew there was an albumn coming out with these four playing together on it I'd buy it...wouldn't you?

Other questions you might ask are Where's the style? Where's the flair? Where's the heart, the soul, the blood, sweat and tears necessary for great music?


If you haven't heard RATM, you don't know about angry music, angry music thats not just Thrash 'n' Grunt: 'Now in new wildberry flavour...' I'm sorry but 'Thrash 'n' Grunt' sounds like some kind of perverted Hi-fibre eXXXtreme breakfast cereal.

'Thrash 'n' Grunt: So high in fibre it forms a gelatinous cube in your bowel...'

'You'll be Thrashing and Grunting for mercy.'

Well...that was graphic...

I apologise for that

Where was I?

Ah yes...emotion. I just have this to say. James? 'Fade to Black' and 'Nothing Else Matters' anyone? 'Nuff said. Flea well he's the part of the Chillis that you feel rumbling through your chest at their concerts, he literally makes the earth move for you. Danny, his drumming is just as emotive as Maynards singing when he plays for TOOL, its almost like he creates his own counter melodies to the vocals sometimes.

I don't think there will be any shortness on flair, creativity or emotion in the music these guys would write...

Is that the clamouring of disgruntled fans I hear? Your favourite player not in my line up? Well...make your own, show me how its done...

And yes I do realise I am alienating the vast majority of my readers with these posts. Hopefully I will have it out of my system soon and things will return to normal

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Too much rock for just one hand...\mm/

Yep can't sleep so heres whats keeping me awake...


The Criteria are there needs to be at least four members to your group:

1. A Drummer. Where would we be without drummers?
2. A Bass player, not a bass player (i.e. one who strums a fish)
3. A Rythmn guitarist
4. A Lead guitarist

You may add a pure vocalist to make a fifth member of the band otherwise one of the above must sing.

Keyboards, Accordians, Flutes (sorry Kieryn), Kazoos and other blasphemous rock instruments need not apply.

Yes thats right blasphemous.

Altho Hendrix did play a Kazoo in a song once, and a Flute too incidentally. And Keyboards too. Dammit. Ok definitely no Accordians.

Altho if I were to allow instruments played by Hendrix I would have to allow the Glockenspiel as well!

ALL members of the band MUST be alive. No you may not take Hendrix, Elvis (yes Elvis counts as a guitarist, no you may not have him, even if he is living in a cave in New Mexico with his many beautiful Alien wives) John Bonham or Keith Richards (I know he appears to be alive but seriously, have you seen the man up close?)

Following these Criteria I have selected:

1. Tom Morello - Rage Against The Machine, Audioslave, The Nightwatchman - Lead Guitar/Vocals (yes he can sing, The Nightwatchman is his pseudonym when he appears solo and...acoustic!)

Dat dere is one powaful riffer. Combine this with some mindboggling effects laden lead work, blues, jazz and rock chops and the ability to shred should the need arise... I have my candidate for Lead Guitar

2. James Hetfield - Metallica - Rythmn Guitar/Vocals

The Riffmeister himself. Responsible for such classics as "Master of Puppets" "Battery" and the ubiquitous "Enter Sandman". His Blinding speed mixed with some tight 'in the pocket' rythmn work along with his use of some excellent arpeggios makes him my choice for Rythmn Guitar...Did I mention he can solo?

His "I've been drinking tobacco smoke dissolved in bourbon since I was four" voice also makes him my choice for vocals. If you doubt me check him doing his vocal warmups before the concert on the S&M DVD...he's hamming it up but the dude can sing!

3. Flea - Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Bass/Stuffed Toy Pants Dancing (Check out the "Higher Ground" Video to see what I mean)

Well with his 'slap' bass skills as well has his speed and dexterity for normal rumblin' this man gets the nod to keep everyone groovin'. He doesn't seem to showcase it much on the RHCP albumns I have but when you see him in things like the 'Axis of Justice' DVD he can go nuts at will and improv like there's no tomorrow.

On top of all this he has cool pants and is the voice of 'Donny' in 'The Wild Thornberrys'

4. Danny Carey - TOOL - Drums

Lastly the drummer. With Danny what can I say? The man can play a separate rythmn on a different piece of equipment with all four limbs at the same time. He also plays the tabla and has a synth tabla that he hooks up to his drum kit. His extremely complex rythms would be a hard act to follow to begin with but the fact that they are not just for show and actually fit with the song make him a God (something that I think made Hendrix a God also was his ability to fit the very flowery and complex into a song.)

Feel free to submit your ideas on your super group. (Brett how in gods name are you gonna pick who leads out of Richie Sambora and Eric Clapton?)

Coming over the next few days...

Rock Orchestra, a 16 piece (at least) monstrosity featuring all the people I wanted to include but couldn't.


Supervolkenbanden. Thats right, grab your partner and docee(y?)-doh its folkin' time. The worlds greatest band...unplugged.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Things that have happened to me lately

1. Bomb scare on trains and buses in Brisbane.

Yes some cockwalrus called in a bomb threat. Consequently all buses and trains in the greater Brisbane area were stopped between 4:45 and 5:15pm. I myself experienced the havoc this caused as services were wound down leading up to the appointed time. My train was cancelled at 3:23...I had to wait a whole 10 minutes for the next one...unlucky. When I got off at Wilston some guy went and abused the guard in the last carriage. I didn't hear everything but lets just say it started with the passenger offering some choice words...and gestures to the guard...

Here is what occurred...

Passenger: Enraged mutterings and flashing the old "V" sign*
Guard: "We had a Bomb threat you F---ing Moron"

*Some sources claim this gesture came about as a taunt used by the English to enrage the French after the Battle of Agincourt. The French being heartily slaughtered by English Longbows at Agincourt then threatened to cut off the index and middle fingers of any captured Englishmen thus rendering them useless as bowmen. After this the English would present their fingers to the French from across the battlefield, probably shouting something akin to "Come and get them, you silly French Kinigits" I strongly doubt the guard was French so I am somewhat mystified by this.

Now normally the guard offering the explanation of a BOMB THREAT would make even the most foolhardy of irates back down but no. He counters with this...

Passenger: "You can't even run the F---ing trains"
Guard: "Why don't you F---ing walk then..? F---head!"

Anonymous Queensland Rail Guard...I salute you

2. Again some self righteous wanker arcing up at nothing in particular. There I am sitting down at my finest fried potato and grilled pisciform establishment when this prick, y'know one of those metrosexual guys with the giant sunnies and the little mohawks and the blowup blonde girlfriend walks through the tables and chairs set up outside. The owner of the aforementioned establishment is there with his mates having a good old yak. This dude has obviously thought that they've said something to him or about him and snarled at them then stalked off dragging his girl along. Needless to say everyone else present was a little perplexed and wondering why we have to be plagued with the only metrosexual male with tourettes in all of Brisbane.

3. Did my last exam EVER!!!

Dogs Rule.

That is all.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Ninjas are cool

Go here and you'll see why I've been inspired to write about ninjas. Well that and my brain doesn't work anymore after bombing my Plant Biotech exam. So likelyhood of recieving honours is decreasing daily...hooray!

Anyway on to more important things like...


A wise man once said that for every ninja you don't see there are 3 more you don't see either...

Which, if you think about it, is a statement that expands exponentially until we are lost in a sea of ninjas...

There's a phrase not uttered enough "Lost in a sea of ninjas..."


Ninja Strike!


Thursday, November 10, 2005

Gizoogle is the S to the H to the izzle y'all

Todays pizzost was brought ta you by Gizoogle n shit. It is a mizzost charm'n thing where all yo pimp dreams come tizzle where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

1. You shizzay not worship any gangsta god but Yahweh.

2. You shizzall not makes a graven image.

3. You shall not takes tha nizzle of Yahweh in vain.

4. You shizzall not break tha Sabbath.

5. You shall not dishonor yo parents.

6. You shall not murda.

7. You shall not commit adultery droppin hits

8. You shizzall not steal.

9. You shall not commit perjury n shit.

10. You shizzay not covet.

The textilator makes anyth'n fun motherfucka.

Anyways bizzle ta tha study...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

BONUS Shower Gel: Micro Scrub Particles, Desert Minerals + Caring Yucca

That was pretty much the highlight of my day...

Getting a mini bottle of Lynx shower gel with my purchase of Lynx deodorant.

Lynx: "Micro Scrub Particles"
Subtitle: Little bits of blue crap that could either be finely ground plastic or Smurf flesh

Lynx: "Desert Minerals"
Subtitle: Sand...not special, mystical sand, made from rocks crushed on the thigh of an Arab virgin or anything...just sand...from a pit...

Lynx: "Caring Yucca"
Subtitle: Selfless plants from deserts all over North and Central America gave of themselves to provide us men with the ultimate in personal hygiene experiences.
Sub-Subtitle. We take plant. We juice Plant. We mix them with little blue plastic balls and some sand and/or Smurf flesh.

(For those of you who don't know, Yucca is a spiky North American desert plant and I'm fairly sure it doesn't give two shits about you or your problems. End it now.)

Now that I have satirised the label to my satisfaction I just have this to say...

Is that not the gayest description, of an ostensibly manly and masculine product like Lynx, that you have ever heard?

I mean seriously... We're men! We don't want to be cared for by anything but our mums and maybe later our significant others, least of all our shower gels. No wonder they're giving it away, I mean, you can't even use it as a lubricant...

And since when have we given a rats right testicle about exfoliation?

Having said all of this I'm still gonna use it. Free shower gel is free shower gel. And it smells real purty like.

Saturday, November 05, 2005


ummm yeah...

Let it be known from hence forth that Jonathan has commented several times and has been a most loyal viewer...

As has EJ...

As has Joe...

Greg also...

So have I...but mostly out loud.

Cheese...Think on it.

The update to end all updates...or maybe not.

I think its time to get all retrospective on yo' arses.

Lets see in the last 2 months I have...

Gotten a Job

Gained 1 girlfriend

Come 11 days off of finishing off the coursework for my degree

2 of my long standing housemates have moved out

Whats that you say? News to you? well thats ok...

About 2 weeks ago the K's, Hieran and Shieryn, moved out together in to Shieryns brother's place as he's gone to the Land of the Long White Moose, or, Canada.

I have secured an interview with the guy who will supervise me for the Honours I will be doing this summer

So its been a pretty intense 2 months for me what with all the changes, studying for exams and organising honours.

Well thats all the retrospective we have time for today, stay tuned for a continuum of a previous post.

An update on my little rival...

"Danny BEAMO is my
nickname. What kind
of flowers do u like
sweety. Mwah to u 2"

"I think dandelines suit
u. U cant get rid of
them, theyr pretty but
they smell."

"Meh i'm more of a
Coryanthus girl
myself. But whatever
u can afford..."

"Ican afford anythin
including u honey
which orafice do
needs extra attentive"

"Firstly speak english
runt. Secondly stop
it... You're turning me

Now I think what he meant to say was dandelions but I googled what he wrote and got a charming glassware company, linked above, Cory mate if you're reading, something from the 'bustlines' line would be lovely.

Next note how I worked his name into the name of a flower, now don't ask me how I knew there was a flower called Coryanthes (I spelled it wrong in the message) because I have no idea how I knew that.

There was no response to my last message so I might just assume he's given up but just in case he hasn't...

My advice? Get over it. Add her and/or me to your spank bank and move on...

Thursday, November 03, 2005

An Ode to Breast

Ode n. a lyric or poem typically of varied or irregular metrical form and expressing noble feeling [French, from Late Latin (390-700), from Greek: song]

Breast n. Anatomy, Zoology a milk gland, especially of a woman, or of female animals [Old English (before 1100) brēost]

An Ode to Breast

This beauty kept out of sight
So soft and round and warm
So silky smooth, so milky white
So perfect in its form

And yes my dear friend Jon,
They have inspired these rhymes
The young ladies, I happened upon
Who gave me the breast of times

And while I try my best
To describe the great sensation
You yourself must test
And end your fascination

And as to comments a day previous,
I just have this to say
I may have been a mite devious
Keep on to find what way

'Cause from my mouth the words still spilling
'Bout the e'er peak'd dome
If only it had been a womans, willing
And, sadly, not my own

If you are a little confused read Jonathans comment from yesterday...and prolly the actual post as well.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Macho, Macho Man. I Want To Be...

A Macho Man.

Yes folks one of my secret fantasies came true today. I finally get to be all manly 'n' shit

Received an interesting SMS today, completely out of the blue and an interesting SMS conversation ensued.

Check this out...

"Dan this is about my girl
Alice. I want u to keep
ur greasy hands off
of her. Cory"

"Im watching u Danny
boy Keep the fuk
away from my
girlfriend u little punce

"Punce eh? I hope
you're happy. That's
twice I've had to
remove my hand from
a breast to answer a

"More like bitch tits ya
lil fag My lil fuzz is too
good 4 u Cya round

"Limpwrist? Limpwrist?
Thats the best you
could come up with?
And surely the fact
that i'm going out with
a girl, at least she
was female last i
checked, would
indicate i'm not gay?
Or maybe i am... Cya
cutie pie ;-)"

"Im up 4 anythin honey
buns. No mata what
ya do there will
always b sumthhn"

"Between us. Break
her heart and ill kill
ya. have a nice day at
kindy darlin"

"Awww... How sweet.
Alice has a little rabid
fanboy. Its alright
shnookums she's
safe with me *mwah*"

still awaiting a response to that... (Cory if you're reading this some flowers would be nice)

Someone's movin in on my girl and I get to be all manly and defend my them... kisses...

Blowing somone, who is at least 5 years my junior, that I've never met...kisses...

hmmm... my girly sense is tingling...can't quite see why...oh well *shrug*

Normally I would deconstuct this line by line, heaping ridicule and sarcasm as I go, slowly unravelling the poor boys pubescent psyche but...

I'm tired.

And 'twas all in good fun.

Tho I will give this final parting shot...

What is BEAMO?

Be Extra Attentive to My Orifice?

Cory you tease...

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Last Assignment Ever!


Handed in my last business assignment today.

2716 steaming nuggets of business jargon goodness

15 pages of vegetable enhancing fun

Never again...

Did an all nighter to finish that one off, drank 4 bottles of 'V' in a 16 hour period, thereby approximately quadrupling the RDI and quite possibly turning my liver cirrhotic in the process.

Had 22 references in my reference list, many of which were used more than once, it works out to be a reference every 50 or 60 words...Awesomeness

To address your comment Master Jonathan yes she was involved with biofutures and yes you probably have met her. Give my regards to your brother, he caught me in a bit of a reverie today and I'm sure he thought I didn't recognise him...


Its been a hard days night and I've been working like a dog
Its been a hard days night, I should be sleepin like a log

So I will