Wednesday, November 09, 2005

BONUS Shower Gel: Micro Scrub Particles, Desert Minerals + Caring Yucca

That was pretty much the highlight of my day...

Getting a mini bottle of Lynx shower gel with my purchase of Lynx deodorant.

Lynx: "Micro Scrub Particles"
Subtitle: Little bits of blue crap that could either be finely ground plastic or Smurf flesh

Lynx: "Desert Minerals"
Subtitle: Sand...not special, mystical sand, made from rocks crushed on the thigh of an Arab virgin or anything...just sand...from a pit...

Lynx: "Caring Yucca"
Subtitle: Selfless plants from deserts all over North and Central America gave of themselves to provide us men with the ultimate in personal hygiene experiences.
Sub-Subtitle. We take plant. We juice Plant. We mix them with little blue plastic balls and some sand and/or Smurf flesh.

(For those of you who don't know, Yucca is a spiky North American desert plant and I'm fairly sure it doesn't give two shits about you or your problems. End it now.)

Now that I have satirised the label to my satisfaction I just have this to say...

Is that not the gayest description, of an ostensibly manly and masculine product like Lynx, that you have ever heard?

I mean seriously... We're men! We don't want to be cared for by anything but our mums and maybe later our significant others, least of all our shower gels. No wonder they're giving it away, I mean, you can't even use it as a lubricant...

And since when have we given a rats right testicle about exfoliation?

Having said all of this I'm still gonna use it. Free shower gel is free shower gel. And it smells real purty like.


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