Monday, October 31, 2005

Telemarketing is teh sux0r

ahhhh time for a nice relaxing rant.

The humble telephone. Think on it for a moment...

What a wonder of modern technology it is. Think of all the people who have sacrificed their blood, their sweat, their time, their social life nay their very lives all so we could have a reliable global communication network.

Now consider what it is used for in our modern society, this paragon of modern technology...

Ramming useless shit down our throats in our own homes...

"Hi my name is *insert barely intelligible Hindi word here* and I am ringing to inform you that your number has been selected to recieve a free mobile phone..."

7 times, in the last 14 days, I've heard this.

7 frikkin' times.

And my housemates have recieved it at least twice.

I actually listened to what they had to say the first time. Then, rather politely I thought, I informed the person on the other end that I wasn't interested. She then proceeded to try and convince me to take it, in a tone of voice that told me I was obviously retarded for not. I then, remaining calm, tried to explain that I was already on a 24 month contract with another carrier and that if I did take her phone I would have to still pay the $33 a month I already pay plus whatever calls I made on the new phone.

She remained unconvinced...

God only knows how.

Then when she finally understood she wasn't getting anywhere, I could tell cause I could hear the pout, she got very brusque and hung up on me.

Since then I have recieved more of the same, some claiming to be giving me a free phone before explaining there will be a monthly fee...

So I have 3 pointers for these telemarketing companies before they try and sell me anything...

1. English is the Official language in Australia. Hindi is the Official language in India (plus 17 other national languages). Try to remember that talking over the phone can be hard at the best of times, talking to somone with an accent can make it nigh on impossible. Try and employ well spoken individuals who are fluent in english.

2. Teach your personnel how a plan works. Namely this is a contract signed by me that stipulates that for the period of the contract I will continue to make monthly payments. Should I opt out of the contract before the period of the contract expires I am obliged to pay, in a lump sum, the remaining monthly payments. This means that if your phone costs me anything, anything at all, I. Am. Not. Saving. Money. Even if you tell me three times that I am, I'm not.

Once they understand this they will quickly learn to admit defeat when they hear the phrase "I'm on a plan sorry..."

3. Listen carefully to this one... I. Don't. Buy. Shit. Over. The. Phone. End of story.

So now ya know, and I swear to Vishnu that if I get one more garbled call from some half trained phone monkey offering me a mobile I will call for India to be wiped off the map.

You've been Warned.


Anonymous Jonathan said...

Yes! Yes!! I like the new journal!! And your new girlfriend, was she involved with biofutures?? Did I meet her once at your house? Or am I thinking of someone totally different?

10:34 am  

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